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Jokes
Send Your Jokes
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Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening ! |
Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you ! |
Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission ! |
Teacher: Will you stop looking at the clock at the wall and pay attention
Time will pass, but will you ! |
I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start ! |
The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class ! |
When I was you age I thought nothing of walking 5 miles to school
I agree, I don't think much of it myself ! |
Be sure that you go straight home
I can't, I live just round the corner ! |
Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later ! |
Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone ! |
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Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening ! |
Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too ! |
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon! |
Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ? |
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school ! |
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much ! |
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it ! |
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking ! |
Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between ! |
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What is your favourite type of present?
Another present! |
How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
He has a whale of a party! |
"When's your birthday?"
"July 23."
"What year?"
"Every year!" |
What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
"Hi, Buster." |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben over and get your birthday bumps! |
Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer?
Because you said it was pound cake! |
What did one candle say to the other?
"Don't birthdays burn you up?" |
Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks! |
Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap?
It was a birthday present from his wife! |
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue! |
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man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her?
It was a bright, sunny day. |
Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me.
Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me. |
Do you say, "Nine and five is thirteen," or "Nine and five are thirteen" ?
Neither. Nine and five are fourteen. |
How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup?
Read the label. |
How can you tell twin witches apart?
It's not easy to tell which witch is which. |
How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?
He was shocked. |
How do pigs write?
With a pigpen. |
How does a boat show affection?
It hugs the shore. |
How many animals did Moses take on the ark?
Moses didn't take anything on the ark. Noah did! |
If a boy is spanked by his mother and his father, who hurts the most?
The boy. |
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Do you know all about April 1?
Yes, I'm fooly aware of it! |
What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful! |
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah fooling this time . . . it's really me! |
What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes?
Prankenstein! |
What do you get if you cross a dog with a prankster's holiday?
April Drool's Day! |
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah body . . . April Fool's! |
Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they've just finished a long March! |
What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1?
April Ghoul's Day! |
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Noah. Noah who?
Noah something?
It's still April Fool's! |
What's the best day for monkey business?
The first of Ape-ril! |
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"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse ?"
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down !" |
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick ! |
What are the small rivers that run into the Nile ?
The juve-niles ! |
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river ?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see ! |
Teacher: What are the Great Plains ?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16 ! |
Teacher: Where is the English Channel ?
Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up |
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things ! |
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour ?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down ! |
Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated ?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile ! |
Name an animal that lives in Lapland ?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer ! |
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| Submitted by Sagar Shah class -6
One day a teacher asked a student
"Alex! can you tell me when was Newton born ?"
student: I don't know, sir!
teacher: open your book and tell me!
Book: Newton (1642-1727)
teacher : Why didn’t you say it?
student: but I thought it was his phone number, sir!!!
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